Take a DIVE

I recently received a few magazines from the US, which was the best gift ever!  Until I opened up the issue of Backpacker magazine.  I had this sharp pain in my chest as I longed to be out on a trail surrounded by green trees and mountains.  I am a sucker for natural beauty, and few things make me happier than being on a lush trail with mountain vistas.  The last time I had a proper forest hike was in the fall of 2015 so its been way too long for such a great divide. 

My favorite hiking spot for the last 8 years. How I miss thee! 

I try to "hike" here too, but it's not quite the same.  It's still beautiful, but blazing hot and dry, with no snow.

Beauty is something I look for everyday here in Mexico.  Beauty and joy, because the more you look for them, the more you'll find them (and I need as much as I can get).  Physical beauty is a theme that comes up frequently here, and in general men don't hesitate to turn their heads to admire a beautiful woman walking down the street.  That can be a little jarring when you're in the middle of a conversation and the man you're talking to turns his whole body for a good view of the woman walking by, and you have to pause what you're saying for a few seconds.  It can also be jarring to hear people openly refer to someone as fat and joke about it.  

The other day I was at lunch with a group of men and one other woman.  One guy was looking at his phone and started laughing and sharing a picture of a woman they knew from the past who had apparently put on weight.  I saw the picture and was perplexed as to why they should give this woman such a hard time.  She wasn’t rail thin but she wasn’t obese and she was attractive.  There were comments about “that’s what happens when a woman eats too many tamales” and jokes about what a pity her current appearance was.  In the next breath, the guy next to me offered me his french fries that he didn’t want.  I was like “um, no thanks."  I’m already bigger than the girl in the picture, so I didn’t need to add any fry fuel to that fire.

 Finding beauty in a building.  

 There's always beauty in art.

Sometimes people create their own beauty with window art. 

In Peace Corps training, we learn all about the DIVE approach (describe, interpret, verify, evaluate).  The idea is that you shouldn’t rush to judgement about words, actions or situations you encounter.  That you need to try to identify if there’s something going on under the surface that could be impacting how someone else is behaving or how you are reacting, or some other meaning behind their words.  The concept is clear, but it takes a lot of work to put this into practice.  I’ve found that when my feelings are hurt by something someone says or does here, it’s much easier to just wallow in it for a bit.  Maybe that’s human nature or just the impact of being in a foreign culture and taking things with more significance than you would back home.

I have definitely made assumptions here and been offended, only to understand later that what I interpreted wasn't correct.  I will (perhaps begrudgingly) say that it is worth putting forth the effort to determine if you really encountered a bad apple or if there's something more to consider (a different cultural context, a misunderstanding, a history with a subject that makes you react to it strongly, etc.).  It takes work, but why be offended if you don’t have to be?  

Let me give you some examples of what I’ve heard from people here that I would describe as family and friends (i.e. people that I like/love and who like/love me back) that could have the power to offend.  

• When I was living with my first host family, I made a comment about how it took me longer to walk places because my legs were so short.  My host mom said "oh yeah, you have fat legs.  You need to lose weight."
• One day I went out for a long walk – my nightly constitution if you will – and I ran into one of my English students on the way home.  He asked what I was doing and then gave me an unsolicited lecture on how it was good that I was walking because that would help me lose weight.  And that I needed to eat only fruits and vegetables – in small quantities. 
• The other day I was paying my rent, and my landlady said “my daughter uses a soap on her face that really helped clear up her skin.  It’s only 40 pesos so I can get that for you and you can pay me back. It will really help your skin.” Note that the only thing we were talking about before this exchange was me paying my rent.
• When I was living with my second host family, I said I was going on a walk for about 20 minutes and they said “Oh my, that’s too far for you. Are you sure you’ll make it?”
• My favorite shopkeeper told me that I looked like I had lost weight and that I just needed to stop eating to loose more.  Then I would have more options for shirts to purchase. 
• One of my coworkers came in and we exchanged greetings and he said “you were really tired yesterday.”  Not really a question, just a statement.  I wasn't tired that day - maybe just a little quiet. 
• People comment all the time on the fact that I am wearing sandals (Birkenstocks, Tevas, etc.).  They’ll ask me at 7 PM at night “Are you going to the beach or something?” and when I say no, they’ll say “Oh, well…. you’re wearing sandals.”  Or they’ll just say “I see you’re wearing sandals again.”

Maybe I could find some more acceptable shoes here.

Soooo many churches, with so much beauty.

Totally unrelated, but if you look closely, you can see a batman symbol on top of the blue house. 

It’s hard not to be offended or hurt when someone makes comments about your weight, your skin or your perceived lack of physical abilities.  It’s confusing when people talk about your shoes all the time without offering a compliment (hey man, I got the feminine Birkenstocks - these are uber cool in my crowd).  It’s frustrating when people make assumptions that you are tired or in a bad mood just because you’re quiet.  As volunteers, we are encouraged to use DIVE every day, but I'm not sure our counterparts or communities receive information on that front to help them interpret our behaviors and actions.  And people really think I'm weird when I tell them to "take a DIVE" in our mountain town ;)

I have been here for more than a year, so my assumption is that people think I’m all good.  I can communicate with them, I have housing, and I’m getting integrated.  I’m not sure they realize that more time doesn’t make everything easier for me.  It makes some things A LOT easier, but other things are more difficult with more time.  I’m way more comfortable now talking to people, traveling, shopping, etc. than I was a year ago.  However, those cultural differences that butt heads with your norms and values are harder to ignore the more time you spend with them.  

These are my favorite trees and so beautiful. 

Art on the coast - I always love some artistic beauty. 

Art in a Querétaro park.  Even weird, dark art can be beautiful.

When I encounter something that has the power to offend, I try to implement the DIVE approach and clarify my understanding of the situation, but as a non-confrontational person operating in a second language, it's difficult.  I talk with other volunteers to get perspective and try to remember that I'm operating in a different culture with different norms.  Just because something is different and uncomfortable, that doesn't make it bad (it just makes it weird and uncomfortable).  And I keep looking for that beauty, wherever I can find it.