1984

This week I wished that I didn’t have internet service.  That I didn’t have to see every news headline that popped up in my Facebook feed and generated anxiety and fear about the health of the land, people and career options I left back home.  I wished that I could just sit on a shady bench in our town square enjoying the warm, dry breeze that blows every day, while reading a book about some fictitious problems that are resolved as soon as I read about the fictitious solution. 

I actually have been trying to spend more time reading in the central square, ignoring all forms of social media. 

Instead I found myself constantly fretting about what I could do to make sure that I wasn’t sinking into a pit of despair with each piece of news that floated across my screen.  I found myself needing to take an extra walk every day to breathe deeply and find the beauty in a warm, sunny January day.  I found myself constantly thinking about what it was that I could do – what I needed to do – to feel like I was working towards the greater common good.  I found myself constantly thinking about Harry Potter and the Hunger Games, and needing to put pen to paper to get all of my thoughts and feelings out of my head. 

This is a bridge that was demolished during the October 2015 hurricane near my town.  Things get destroyed but then they get rebuilt, often better than they were the first time. 

This truck drives all over town every morning spraying water on the streets to keep the dust down. It's not particularly relevant here - I just finally got a picture this week!

Lucky for you, I'm not going to post all of those thoughts and feelings here, but I will share with you my abbreviated list of things that boiled to the top this week.  I’m not one for New Year’s resolutions, but since it’s still January, we can say this is a list of resolute thoughts (for both me and you).

Here's what's become really clear this week: it’s our duty to talk about climate change.  I spent the first 16 years of my career working on climate change issues, and yes, it's a real thing that is openly discussed here in my Mexican office.  We have a responsibility to push back when people say the small things (or the big things – like environmental regulations) don’t matter or aren’t worth the cost.  I really don’t like to debate people, but I will have a conversation with you about why clean air and water are important for your life and mine.  And why people deserve those things even if they're not wealthy.  We also have a duty to speak up when we see something that’s not right or equitable, even when that's outside of our comfort zone.  And we must keep pushing education – for ourselves and others, and teach people how to analyze the information they're presented with (and why it's important to analyze things). 

Image from Pinterest. 

I’m going to start by reading a book my friend Chris recommended called “Between the World and Me” by Ta-Nehisi Coates.  I don’t have any idea what it’s like to be you, and you don’t know what it’s like to be me.  However, we have an obligation to try and understand each other and to recognize that just because we haven’t experienced something directly, that doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.  If you’ve never been subject to oppression, racism, sexism or censorship, well, a) congratulations!, and b) that doesn’t mean that other people haven’t either (even if they look just like you), or that those things aren’t worth standing up for.  It’s our duty to learn about each other and remember that just because something is different, that doesn't automatically make it dangerous.  It’s also our duty to be empathetic and kind to each other.   

I’ve said “duty” a lot, so here's a Calvin & Hobbes cartoon that a friend gave me in college referencing my favorite word, “booty”. Image from Pinterest. 

I recently read an article that said “You don’t have to suffer to make a difference.”  It talked about how humor can have a place in any kind of movement and that it’s ok to have fun while doing serious work.  I think that my most important work right now is telling you about how great the people are here in Mexico.  I get the gift of living here for a short period of time and will do my part to help you learn about people and places that are unfamiliar but really not so different.  And I'll share all the great stories I can and try to make us both laugh, because – as my Aunt Sandy would say – girrrrrrrrrrl, we need as much laughter as we can get. 

I am currently counting down the days until our local Feria del Taco and enjoying the fact that I now think it’s chilly with highs only in the lower 70s.  I received the *best* piece of wisdom ever from a coworker this week, which is a little too colorful to share here, but remind me next time we talk and I'll pass it along.  It's hilarious, I promise.  I can share that the other volunteer in our office told us that she had a "pastel de gata" to share with us (i.e. a cake made of cat) but she really meant a "pastel de nata" (i.e. a cake made with cream).  Thank goodness.  

I don't wanna be friends with that horse

I recently had a struggle with a horse.  Well, to be more accurate, I was struggling with how to get people to stop pressuring me to ride a horse.  I am not comfortable around horses (or hamsters, bunnies, mice, snakes, lizards, stray cats, most dogs….) What can I say – I’ve got animal issues.  I love having them on earth and think they should all be treated with dignity, kindness and love; I just prefer to view them from afar, and I typically do not want to touch them.  I believe that animals deserve to live in peace, far, far away from my human hands (except my cat - she gets pets whenever she wants them).

Horses, horses, horses, horses...  

Horses - they are literally everywhere.  

Cabalgata heading into town. 

So, my office recently hosted a cabalgata – a procession on horseback through the community.  Everyone was planning to ride and wanted me to awkwardly clamber on top of a horse as well.  The other volunteer in my office is cuckoo for horses and brought a riding helmet back from the US, so I’m definitely the odd man out in this horse-centric culture.  My officemates even found the local horse whisperer who has a system for working with people scared of horses, and horses skittish of people.  After hearing about my fear of horses, he was eager to meet me and fix my “problem.”  I tried to deflect every comment about how I needed to ride a horse with humor and conviction, but people just kept asking me about it.  No matter how many times I said no, it felt like all they heard was “I need to get her on a horse – she’ll thank me later.”    

 Even when hiking in the mountains around town, I run into horses. 

Hiking past a loose horse, as one does. 

This pressure cooker made me think about fear.  Was riding a horse something I really needed to do here?  Would I feel pride mounting that horse, despite crushing the poor animal under my weight?  Would riding this horse somehow change my life for the better?  Or would I get bucked off and have to end my service early?  There’s a precautionary tale about another volunteer who had to end her service after twisting her ankle stepping off a bus, so it’s important to calculate your risks here. 

There are lots of things I’ve done that I was scared of at first and then happy about afterwards, so I know that fear can be a good thing.  I went skydiving, I rode in planes across the Atlantic and Pacific Oceans, I moved cross country away from all of my family for college, I went camping alone, I fell in love, I got a tattoo… I mean come on, I left everything comfortable and familiar to become a volunteer in a country I had never before visited, with a language that I didn’t speak.  Can't I just ride out my time here without literally riding a horse?  

 Sure this horse looks nice and calm while tied up, but you never know... 

  I will admit that I love the dancing horses (and I hope that the horses like the dancing too). 

   So. Many. Horses. 

There's no shortage of horse pictures, that's for sure. 

It's an interesting phenomenon when people love something so much that they really, really, really want you to try it and love it too.  Just this week I got a new student in my english class who is a master horse rider and enthusiast, and he immediately got excited about getting me near a horse and sharing his love of this majestic creature.  You know what I really love?  Hiking.  I would go hiking every weekend if I could - it's the thing I've been missing most about my life in the US lately.  If I invited you to go hiking with me and you said you were too scared, I would not understand it and I would think that you were missing out.  But if you said "thanks but NO", I'm pretty sure I'd let you live your life in peace and accept your decision even if I didn't agree with it.

I know it’s good to push yourself and to overcome your fears, but here’s the thing: I’ve tried riding horses before.  Twice.  And: I. Did. Not. Like. It.  It was a terrifying experience for me that I would really prefer not to repeat.  I know my own limits and in no way do I feel like there’s some part of my soul that will be unknown or unfulfilled because I did not ride more horses.  If the universe is holding out on giving me something great, like true love, until I ride another horse, well – then the universe is just mean (and could we negotiate for true love on a free trip to Scotland instead? And maybe with an actor from the series "Lovesick"?).   

During the cabalgata I saw one donkey that was super rambunctious with it's rider, and I saw a horse buck it's rider off, who narrowly avoided being pommeled by it's hooves.  Last week I saw a rogue horse with a saddle running wild down the street, followed by another man galloping after it on his horse.  When they finally caught the horse, it bucked and kicked and almost took out another person, so it's not like there's no danger with these animals.  I work on overcoming fears here every day: every time I pass one of the many stray dogs roaming the street, or eat food that may or may not have been disinfected, or see another mosquito bite in the age of Zika, or - scariest of all - have to make a phone call in Spanish.  But I'm gonna sit this one out.  I don't wanna ride a horse and you can't make me ;)

Cultural Differences

I had never visited Mexico before I arrived to live here for 2 years, so I wasn't sure exactly what to expect.  I did spend time as a kid in Southern California, where there's a large population of Mexican immigrants, but my exposure to Mexican culture was only the smallest of glimpses.  I lived in downtown LA for a short stint and the day I moved into my apartment, Pink was shooting her music video for Get the Party Started on my street (which taught me nothing about Mexican culture but did signify that I was super hip).  I encountered my first mobile vegetable-selling truck and watched my neighbors lower a huge bundle of balloons from their 4th floor apartment window down to a man on the sidewalk every morning.

My apartment in LA, home to all the action back in the day.  

A slightly different scene here in Mexico: if you look closely, you can see the figure of a woman laying on her back in that mountain.   

   

I haven't seen anyone lowering balloons out of their windows here in Mexico, but balloons are definitely popular.  The first time I saw a big balloon in the shape of a crayon, I thought "how could that be fun to play with?"  Then I watched kids launching it into the sky with huge smiles and thought, well - there you go.  In the hopes of helping you better understand some of your neighbors in the States, I thought I would share a few things I’ve learned about life in Mexico that perhaps you've also encountered (perhaps with some confusion or frustration).  

• How much $ you make/spend: Everyone asks me how much money I make now, how much I made in the US, how much my plane ticket at Christmas cost and what I pay in rent each month.  Coming from a culture where money matters are private matters, it's been uncomfortable having to answer those questions.  I've tried answering with the same question back to people, or being vague with my response, but I often get pressed for a number.  On the bright side, an intern in our office did help me find a much cheaper place to live because I told him how much my rent was and he said "oh no, we can do a lot better than that." And a month later, we did!  

• Rules/Flexibility: I'm not saying there aren't any rules here, because there definitely are, but after living here for 10 months, I can't think of any to share with you.  Peace Corps has plenty of rules (and I know ALL of those) but in general things are pretty laid back here.  My rent is due on a certain day each month, but I've never actually paid it on that day because sometimes my landlord is around, and sometimes he's not.  Sometimes he wants me to pay my rent money to someone else that he owes money to instead.  People come into the office at different times every day, and your local corner store may or may not be open on Sunday, depending on what the owner is up to.  Occasionally you go to your favorite taco stand only to find that it hasn't been wheeled out that day.  That, my friends, is a bonafide crisis.  

Popular balloons. 

• Living in front of your house: there’s a family from Mexico that lives by a friend of mine in CA and they frequently have big parties in their driveway, complete with bouncy houses, music and lots of people.  My friend is always asking “why aren’t they doing that in their back yard?” because that’s where he would do it.  That’s where most of us would probably do it in the US but a lot of life takes place on the street here.  We recently had a parade in town and when I opened my door to check it out, my stoop was already occupied by other people.  First come, first served – even on your own front steps.   

• Late night parties: the family rules here and so does a good party.  While I might think of a party as an intimate affair for close friends and family that goes until 10 pm (yes, I’m a lame partier), the party often doesn’t get started till 10 pm here.  Loud parties at night – usually with fireworks – are just a part of life.  Even on a Tuesday night you might hear mariachi music playing past 2 AM (and noone complains).     

 Party time - con queso - at a local cheese fair. 

  Tasty artesanal cheese. 

  Local cheeses and sweets. 

 I especially enjoyed this cheese. 

Tortillas and quesadilla prep for all that tasty cheese.

• Who you tip: Almost everyone I’ve talked to here has told me that you don’t tip cab drivers.  However, you do tip the following:
• The person that bags your groceries 
• The woman at the laundromat
• The gas station attendant
• The random musicians who walk into restaurants and start playing music (or at times surround your table for a very intimate – and loud – one table show that you cannot avoid)
• The musicians who sing at events (like cheese fairs) 
• Sometimes, but not always, the man who gets your bag out from under the bus

• Clothing: People dress more formal here and at times recommend clothing to me that is a little tighter and/or more revealing than I'm used to.  I tried on a shirt that had lacework at the top and you could see my bra straps.  I mean really see them.  I really liked the shirt but it was orange and I couldn’t imagine finding a tank top the right color here to wear underneath to hide the straps.  "Not a problem," said all the women in the store, "you should show your bra straps to help you find a boyfriend!" Um.... 

This is as tight as my clothing gets. 

• Amor in public: I was walking through a main plaza in Querétaro and saw a couple making out on a park bench.  I mean full on making out.  While I fully encourage that level of spark, I will admit that when I’ve seen that type of public affection in the US, I’ve passed some judgement.  I started talking about it with my friend Kyle and it occurred to us that because many Mexicans live with their families until they are married, and there’s no way you’re bringing your boy/girlfriend into your bedroom at home, the public park is one of the most private places you can be together (at least in a big city). 

• Driving with hazards: Peace Corps volunteers are not allowed to drive, and I'm a-ok with that as the roads here can be a little like Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride.  People use their hazard lights all the time to signal that traffic is slowing, or that they’re getting ready to do something, they often pass on curves and frequently drive on the shoulders, there are speed bumps everywhere and people cross 4 lanes of highway traffic on foot on a regular basis.  As a passenger, I’ve decided my best course of action is to just look away from the road and try to keep my body relaxed in case there ever is an accident.  Probably best not to read articles like this one.  

  Local sweets for sale. 

 Cookies, cookies, cookies. 

• Wearing masks: The first time I got sick my host mom asked if I wanted to wear a mask and I thought that was the oddest thing I’d ever been asked.  It’s just not something you do for a common cold in the US.  Now that it’s cold season here in Mexico, the masks are out in full force so the streets look like hospital wards, which takes some getting used to.  

• Discussing your weight: People openly comment about your weight.  They'll tell you that you’re fat (while insisting you eat more), that you’re loosing too much weight (while insisting that you eat more), that you need to loose more weight (while insisting that you eat more), etc.  I heard someone call a really tall thin man “fat” in English and I had to explain that really was not the right word and that it wasn’t common (and at times rude) to say such things to someone in my culture.

• Asking for and giving money: There's a level of charity in Mexico that definitely is not familiar to me.  When I am walking with locals and someone on the street asks for money, they always give.  When someone is selling something that is small and not super expensive, they always buy it.  Even if they don’t want it or won’t use it.  I can’t tell you how often I’ve seen people buy food they don’t need just because someone came to the door selling it. 

 A lovely couple selling cheese. 

 With local vendors selling dulces (and perfectly matching my color scheme). 

I’ve asked a few people here why they always say yes when people ask them for money or to buy something on the street and here’s what I’ve heard: the tradition of giving money to those in need is tied to the religious tradition of asking for and providing money to the church.  My coworker told me that many immigrants from other countries travel through Mexico on their way to the US – often riding on top of trains – with many children and many accidents.  While I must admit that I've heard some discrimination against these immigrants, I’ve also heard about how people will create small bags of food and water to give to those immigrants as they travel through the country.

I'm trying to follow the good examples for charitable giving I've seen here, but I've got a long ways to go.  Let me start by giving you this Avett Brothers video, which has the most beautiful song ever (yes, it's about death, but in a really nice way).  If you encounter any of the items on this list from your international neighbors in the US (or from me), no hard feelings, eh? 

Return to Mexico

The last time I went to pick up my laundry, the women ushered me over to see a dead scorpion they found with my clothes.  I think they enjoyed seeing my reaction, which was not as cool, calm and collected as I would have liked, and they gave me a lecture on how to be careful not to get stung.  While I am now shaking out all my bedding and reaching for clothes with caution, I’ve also decided that my best mental course of action is to assume that the scorpion was in someone else’s clothes, not mine.  I think denial + extra vigilance is a healthy recipe for things like this.

 My bedroom, home to my dirty laundry and - supposedly - a scorpion. 

 Nativity in the church plaza that welcomed me back to Mexico. 

I recently went home to the US for a week over Christmas, where there was zero threat of scorpions, but my brother did try to make me touch the family's pet bunny, which was a definite no-go.  I was super excited to see my family and my cat, and to eat a wide array of unhealthy foods that I (thankfully) don’t have access to here in Mexico.  I emailed my family with a long list of what can only be described as super crappy snack food and they made all my Funyun, Twizzler, Rice Crispy Treat and chocolate-dipped pretzel dreams come true.  I also got to eat sushi twice and enjoy fresh, smoked salmon, both of which made me oh so happy.  Granted, I probably regained in one week all of the weight I lost in 10 months here in Mexico, but when your sister has goldfish crackers stashed for you in the front seat car console, you are obliged to eat them.

 Three thin slices of melon in plastic? Come on America - we're better than this. 

In what world do kiwis need to be packaged in this much plastic? 

I thought it might be really weird both to return to the US, and then again to Mexico, but I had a buffer day on each end of the trip in a very touristy town in Mexico, so I got to slowly readjust to first being around a bunch of English speakers and then to being back in Mexico before I headed back to my small town.  I was acutely aware of some changes in the US during my absence (like the election results) but there were some much lighter changes that I was not prepared for.

• Planes don’t have screens anymore. I took 5 flights on 2 different airlines and not one plane had a screen.  Apparently, you now have to bring your own electronic device – and download different apps ahead of time – in order to watch free movies.  That would have been useful to know ahead of time since I only had my phone and no apps installed to enable all that free entertainment. I know – my life is hard; I had to read good books instead.
• Everyone is using the debit card chips now.  I received my new debit card just before leaving and used the chip feature one time, so I got to be the person that makes you think “how on earth does she not know how to do this after all this time?!” Well, I live in Mexico and operate in a cash-only system.
• Hatchimals are taking over the world.  Apparently you shake/play with your egg long enough and then a weird stuffed animal-like creature hatches.  They seem super creepy to me.

 Readjusting to life before/after my trip to the US in a touristy beach town in Mexico. 

I felt a strong sense of longing for my family upon my return, but that’s the same sense of longing I always have after a visit to see them, and not unique to Mexico.  It was really hard to say goodbye to my cat Luca again.  She ignored me for my first 3 hours in the house, but by night number 2 she was sleeping on my chest and licking my ears in that really bizarre way she used to do as a kitten.  I felt so guilty leaving her again, but at least I know she’s in a great home being well cared for by my stepmom and dad (and you know, she’s a cat, so I’d like to think she doesn’t harbor any resentment at my abandonment).   

 My beloved cat, Luca. 

I love this weird photo of Luca and Pepper: they look like cat prowlers caught on your night camera. 

I surprisingly didn’t get a lot of questions about Mexico, which I take as a sign that everyone is up to speed from reading my blog on a regular basis, but I did get a lot of questions about my nose ring and my plans at the end of my service.  Spoiler alert: I have no idea what my plans are for June 2018 and beyond. 

It was great to spend time with family and friends and do luxurious things like walking through a Target, drooling over things I don’t need, and getting my hair cut while looking at the ocean.  I doubled the size of my wardrobe using a suitcase of clothes I had stored at my sister’s house, and I literally squealed with delight when I saw all my new clothing options.  I saw snow-capped mountains and lots of rain, had to buy/wear socks and felt genuinely cold for the first time in months.  However, it was also nice to return to the warmth of Mexico and to discover that I could still speak Spanish (phew).  Here’s to a happy, healthy and successful 2017!

My teeny, tiny coffee table and rug that awaited me in Mexico.